As I thought about the timing of the trip, thought about dates and plane reservations, where I would stay, how I would get around... it all revolved around ME...what I thought I could do to be helpful and caring for my family.
Have you heard of the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapin?
Given my thoughts of why I was taking the trip, what was my plan for showing mercy? I admit, I have a pretty simplistic understanding of what it means to be merciful. The deeper meaning is to give attention to another person without judgment. But at the base of my journey I was making judgments, I thought I could offer something they needed. I was judging their needs rather than walking alongside, listening. I had not put aside my self-interest in order to connect with their love language. In my usual way, I wanted control. Well, know that I failed in the non-judging: it led my days until a conversation reminded me that our stories are different and unfold in ways unexpected. I wanted to 'make things easier' when the reality is mercy is not necessarily an easy path and requires good, honest listening. Listen first, act second. I approached it in the reverse. You'd think I know better after being a caregiver in a difficult situation.
We may have grown up in the same home but our experiences varied due to birth order, our young adult experiences and the people we surrounded ourselves with. I followed the path of hippy to teacher to divorcee, to marrying the best friend anyone can imagine. I can unequivocally say that is a very different journey than every one of my siblings.
And with that I am endlessly grateful for their grace in accepting me foibles and all.
“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen.”
(Frederick Büechner)
And the beautiful part of that is we are there for one another.