Many of you know I am in a rough season of life. I share all the wrinkles, the bumps and unending challenges with Russ and a degenerative disease. As in many traditional marriages, what's mine is his and his is mine. For the good stuff that is a lovely way to live! But Parkinson's is wildcard, forcing us onto an endless path of small good-byes. If I only focused on 'sad', life would be even more exhausting.
Somehow, just when I feel I am at a new low, people show up, reach out or shower me with an act of kindness. Some people hesitate because they feel they can't make a difference. But a smile, holding a door open, a cheerful wave will all lift a sagging heart. Those things don't take money, they don't even require knowing a person's story, all they need is a heart that wants to give and a mind that is willing to think about more than themselves.
This week I had two 'shock and awe' experiences. 'Shock and Awe' is a military technical term meaning to stun the enemy, to confuse and overwhelm them. Sometimes I would argue that small acts of kindness can do the same. Twice this week I was stopped in my tracks, working hard to hold on to a sense of control as my eyes leaked tears of gratitude. Twice this week I was stunned, confused and overwhelmed. For a few minutes each time I was paralyzed in shock and awe... really? For me? You'd do that for me?
Earlier in the week the UPS man arrived, rang the bell and left a package. I had not ordered anything... hmmmm. When I opened the door he said "Careful, it's heavy". My brother and sister-in-law had sent me a box filled with love... nuts, dried fruit, tea, a tea pot, soup mix, ice cream sauce, some fun cooking utensils and a Gluten Free Cookbook... a little something for every mood I will hit in the coming days. Again, shock and awe. Simple pleasures that mean everything. I had to stop midway through opening to wipe away some tears and gather up some calm.
I feel so inadequate in my current role, but people keep coming forward to let me know I matter. The girls brought me lunch, brunch with friends, multiple church ladies calling to check in, sisters emailing, brother sending a zillion postcards, sister-in-law lifting me with encouragement, dinner delivered and the recent gift bag filled with love from the congregation. It's amazing.