THE GIFT OF TIME
Neighbor Ryan is selfless. He is such a caring person, always with a smile and filled with kindness. During the Christmas season there is endless talk of making life more than about 'you'. That personifies Ryan year round.
This morning I heard this odd scratching noise and I kept trying to discern what it was. Light dawned and I looked outside... Ryan, being Ryan, shoveling our drive and walkway.
Living this life of anticipatory grief, kindness can be intimidating. What a dear, dear man. Thank you Ryan for being you.
Imagine for yourself living in a state of anticipatory grief. One of the myths about grief is that it only follows death. But the reality is that grief can begin long before a death. For me it began with the diagnosis of Parkinson's. Of course it was almost subliminal at first, but as the 'small good-byes' mounted, the complex world of anticipatory grief began to blossom.
This post is not a reflection on grief, but a meditation on kindness; one of the many ways we cope is through the kindness of others. There are so many amazing people in our lives who help in large, small, practical and financial ways. Foremost for me though is Russ' astounding attitude. He always chooses to make people comfortable. He smiles. He tries his hardest to maintain both his health and his mobility. He is patient with me and himself. He has an amazing balance of letting go and holding on. He is strong where I am weak. I am blessed for every day we share...even the really rough ones.
'Angel' comes from the Greek word angelos, which means messenger. An angel is someone who interacts with people and in our case they bring peace, hope, love and joy. So many people.
Never think a smile is too small. Never consider asking "can I help?" misplaced. Never worry if you should or shouldn't act, just reaching out (accepted or not) is a gift. It may not appear so in the moment, for sometimes when I have been gifted with kindness I get emotional. Sometimes when someone comes along with unasked for kindness I crumble; that is just part of anticipatory grief. But I hold it close to examine later in a quiet moment when I can focus on the given gift of care.
In this last year, angels have:
- shared a smile
- stopped to sit for a moment with us on the porch
- waved 'hi' as they walk by (and Rick waves hi every time he drives by, arm raised out the driver's window, waving whether he can see us or not)
- come to Russ' rescue to help him up from a fall (John is a regular in our home)
- paused for a brief stop in front of the house while walking a dog to say hi (Happy, John, Mark, Lilly, Sam, the Stones, the Shannons, Susan)
- brought over an impromptu meal for the freezer ("I made too much!")
- brought a shared book you loved (Dan)
- seeing Russ fall and 'standing by' (Lily) while waiting for Fire and Rescue to arrive
- prayer (all my church friends)
- hugs - constant
- friends who walk and talk (Chris and Jan)
- emails and snail mail (Ron is the master of this ship!))
- texts ( Russ lights up when a ding comes in from Joan or Gardner)
- financial help that bought our ADA van and Russ' new lift chair (thank you Joan)
- snow shoveling (Ryan, Darren, Emily, Heather, Rick - the 6:15 am crew)
- endless offers of 'call if you need anything'
- doctors and their staff who care, listen, coach and encourage
- understanding at work when I need to be available for Russ (Robb)
- children - Is there anything better than the laughter of children? They skip and giggle and hug and ride bikes/scooters, and ask questions ("Where's Russ?"). They bring joy just by being (Autumn, Dax, Haley, Maggie, Liliy, River, Forest).
What does "20/20 Vision: Leaning into the New Year with Hope" mean for us? I would say the operative word is hope. We all know that each morning when we wake we have an option of what our day will look like. We can CHOOSE hope or depression, acceptance or anger, strength or denial, or just plain cowering from reality. Russ and I choose hope. Hope this past year was accentuated by the care of others, people doing big and small things from the heart, people making their world a little larger by doing for others. In other words, people living by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do for you".
Our world of hope is directed by those around us and we are grateful for each and every person who has made this last year manageable. Each act of kindness is woven into our journey, making this PD life one of hope. We walk in your reflection of love and compassion.