WHEN PARENTS GET OLD (or someone has a degenerative disease like cancer or Parkinson's)
When parents get old let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow ... Let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that
they heard yours as a child ...
Let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win ...
Let them enjoy their friends just as they let you ...
Let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them ...
Let them enjoy living among the objects that have accompanied them for a long
time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of life away ...
Let them be wrong, like the many times you have been wrong and they didn't
embarrass you by correcting to you ...
LET THEM LIVE
...and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go;
...and give them your hand, just like they gave you their hand when you started your
path!
The sentiment was a great reminder to me of the path Russ and I just traversed. Parkinson's plays tricks on the brain, making days fluid, diluted, dysfunctional and every variant of and in-between focus.
So how do we do all that to honor our parents, those we care for, our friends or neighbors? Here are a few thoughts.
- Be kind. It may require silence, or counting to ten, or prayer, but honor your parents or anyone in your sphere with kindness...
- Reach out to them. ...
- Be understanding. ...
- Seek their forgiveness. ...
- Forgive them. ...
- Involve them. ...
- Ask their advice. ...
- Respect their legacy.
Think as you speak to or react to someone, knowing that what you see is just a layer of who they are at that very minute. There are so many 'chapters' in their story and we do not get to see it all clearly at any given moment. Sometimes I did this well during Russ' last year, but I sadly missed the mark on some days, allowing fear or frustration to lead. Perfection has never been a reality for anyone, so I surround myself with pithy thoughts in hopes I 'remember' when I am called on to be kind, care, listen, forgive and respect the layers of legacy in each human.