Why can't life be like that? Why do we (is it just me?) NEED to be in control of every decision? I feel like that with this contemplation of moving to Durango, to planning ahead for Russ' PD decline, for wanting the visit with Gardner and family to be perfect. Why can't I just let things 'be', to evolve?
I have a poem framed and on my desk at work. I like to be organized. I like to get things done ahead of time. But working with a staff of 15 and the multiple people who come by my desk daily, I cannot always be in control. In frenetic moments I need to remind myself:
"I am not in control"
I cannot control my people.
I cannot control our situation.
Even when I want what is best, I cannot control the outcome.
I cannot make people behave.
I cannot make people believe.
I cannot make people be strong.
Because I am not God.
God alone knows the end from the beginning.
God alone knows how this will turn out.
I hereby fire myself from God's job
And I agree to see my fight for control as what it is:
A screaming testament to my distrust.
What do you think? Does that speak to you?