I came home to a mailing from Hospice of Mercy. One line struck me as poignant, especially this week; it's been a rough one. "Death ends a life but not a relationship." I need to live into that thought. Today I was able to sit in the places we loved together and hold him close, see his smile, feel his joy. All our love and all our memories are still there. He was an outdoor man and I need to allow myself to enjoy being outdoors. I am being reshaped, but not because I had any choice. Fortunately I feel his subliminal guidance helping me with each decision.
To no longer be able to laugh with him, to hug him hello, to hug him good night... to hear his voice or to be party to his quirks is rough. I may look whole and yet I feel a part of me is missing. Russ was a rare treasure in my life, guiding me these last 43 years, helping me become who I am. He was strong and brave, qualities he helped nurture in me. He is still helping me to summon the courage to continue on; he is my North Star.
"Death ends a life but not a relationship."