There are the times when I am sad and someone reaches out. There were two books loaned to me about getting through those 1st holidays alone. The many invitations I've gotten to spend Thanksgiving with others. My grandson and his girlfriend coming to visit. People reaching out in so many ways, not wanting me to be alone. Two people delivering soup last week. My small group encouraging me. My neighbor kids bringing me the latest school photos to hang on my frig. How can I not open my eyes to all that kindness?
Holidays are usually filled with feasting, festivities, family and friends And even if I am invited to those events, it's without Russ and that requires me to move, reach or take a baby-step. It's hard to reach beyond the sadness to the grateful. Were I to try to hide from the holiday it won't make it not happen or go away. I will still need to hear the peripheral 'noise' of society. I could creatively avoid Thanksgiving, but a better approach is to take charge of my outlook. That's the plan.
Russ loved an Apple Tart. He loved pie too, but that was too much of a good thing. A tart was just the right size. I shall bring a tart to Thanksgiving dinner with Chris and Gary. Russ and I generally spent the month of November sharing one thing a day we were grateful for. I have switched that up a bit and recall one thing a day about Russ I am grateful for. It is a baby-step away from despair and tears and towards my grateful heart for the love of my life. I do know it's OK to smile and laugh even if it's through tears, so I will.
I also know that every life is precious. I have sung Russ' soul out of this world with love and tenderness as each day sets yet again on his presence. They are heart songs of gratitude for his goodness and our dance of 43 years. I will live and love and laugh this Thanksgiving remembering with sincere gratitude that I had 43 years with my best friend.