My counselor in Durango, Lillian, had helped me make a shift to embrace the thought "Power is letting go on the grip of the past and standing empty handed facing the future". Tucson made me do a U-turn and I dove (rather than drove) back to counseling. I am tired of wearing the mask. Renee asked: "Why are you here?"
why are you here? -
the wave is crashing down
i struggle to stay afloat
breathing in hope
breathing out fear
friends
family
acquaintances
struggle with aging
bodies failing
i wonder
how do i find my way back
to the path of hope
how do i leave behind fear
when things are hard
when they hurt
what should i do
i will take a deep breath
close my eyes
search for an inner light
move towards it
moving slowly
until it is bright enough
to see it
to feel it
to touch it
now to let the warmth
guide me back to the path
of hope
faith
love
and the goodness of life
It's has been hard to admit to myself that I wasn't in control, that I was in a difficult situation and I was drowning. It was hard to take an honest look at how I was processing decisions here in Tucson. It was hard (most of the time) to make a U-turn. I did that yesterday; I put on my big-girl pants and admitted to someone that I really do want to be fine and not just good-ish. So here goes...hope in my future. May it match the significance of my new ring Past-Present-Future.
(Previous post 6-24-23)