The thought slammed into me as I read it, a bit of a gut punch actually. I wondered if this could possible be a truth. I wondered if I even needed to give it credence. I wondered... I wondered if there was anything wrong with who I had become. I wondered if we always have to strive to be someone we are not or if we can be proud of taking on needs, and becoming, even if we'd rather not (see post 12/24/20). I wondered... I wondered if who I was was wrong, not living up to my potential. I wondered why we can't give ourselves grace for living our life in the moment.
Parkinson's and Covid have given us an abundance of time to be in our own company. I have long periods of time for me, for us, for home. All this time has become my 'classroom' for self-assessment and discovery. All this time has given me the freedom to sit with my mind, my reflections, and my life's experiences. And what did I discern with all this time of pondering? That I am in the perfect place for who we are at this point in time. I am certain that I have been a different person in the past and I will be a different person in the future. But today? The here and now dictates who we are and we can both be proud of who we have become. It is not the journey we would have chosen so we are not the people we dreamed of being, but in the work of daily life, we have evolved into an integrated team.
We know with every fiber, every breath, that it's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary and that makes us wise. We are a work in progress and acknowledging that allows us hope and bolsters our determination to carry on, even when the journey is a bit overwhelming.
I do not believe our souls are unchanging. I believe we are who we are, but not fully developed, fully formed. Our inner strength grows and shrinks to varying degrees as life swirls around, causing the need to adjust to each shift.
The seismic shifts Parkinson's has brought into our lives has been a challenge for each of us, but together we have been able to move forward with dignity (well... usually). We dig deep for our truth.