Our discussion of late is finding ways to remain engaged. It is very easy and comfortable to sit at the computer all day. My very busy and very active husband is fading and I believe much of that is because of my unintentional directives to do things the way I see necessary.
This morning I saw this on Face Book:
"There was a fine line between helpful guidance and using my authority to shame and belittle (under the guise of good intentions). I cross that line again and again... With every sharply delivered word, with each disapproving glare, with every disappointed shake of my head, (Russ gets) smaller. Less confident. Less capable. Less shiny."
Our discussion at the dinner table last night was just that! I have (practically) demanded that he come up with alternatives of 'engagement' for his day. When he comes up with the solution to buy a table saw (!!!) I shame and belittle his choice, more or less saying it's ridiculous. So how do I become less of the rigid taskmaster and more a loving encourager?
I continue to say that this his HIS disease, but I don't live out that thought. Instead I harp on his selection. I critique his selection, I use exasperated breaths to tell my story. I don't want to break his spirit. Honest!
I need daily reminders that this is the same person I married, and that he happens to be locked in a body that doesn't work like it used to. My daily musing is whether he is in the stage of acceptance where he is in fight mode and wanting to remain who he is/was? Is he in the fight mode of use it or lose it? Is he in the fight mode of 'don't tell me how to live and what to do'?
I'm trying. Over time, rather than harping on every single thing I perceive as risky, I want to save my guidance for serious issues — issues that could be potentially dangerous or life-altering. I want to abandon the role of demanding taskmaster, and be the encourager. If you know me, please help me.
Embrace the moment!