"Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love"
But of course it did all change on January 22, 2021 when Russ relaxed enough to say "good-bye, be strong, live life fully". I am still trying to live up to his expectations.
i’m learning -
with his release
he encouraged me
to embrace space
to see possibilities
to let magic be born
to refrain from holding on too tightly
from my need to control
to loosen my grip
and accept surrender
he saw my potential
he believed in what he saw
it is that
that has pushed me forward
to dance to a new tune
i’m learning
i’m trying
In all that learning and trying these last 3 years, I am just now beginning to see the blurred edges of ME. That reality is partnered with guilt. The choices I have made here in Tucson are all me...am I forgetting or living?
Definitely not forgetting, but I have had to set aside my fear; my sanity depended on it. Russ had always been my champion, but this new world requires me to trust and believe in myself. I had to train my mind to accept that as the chosen path. I had to let love of self in. Before it was so easy to focus completely on Russ, my new world forces me to trust in ME.