The waiting allows the layers to unfurl, to become real. In 1981 Russ had a brain aneurysm and recovery was years long…YEARS LONG! It was about waiting. It was about slowing down enough to peel back layers and actually see his tiny steps of improvement, the layers that create the whole.
Friends, Katie and Myndy, had an amazing cabin in the woods and they let us stay there as long as we wanted, as long as it took to see our new normal. It was there that we invented our layer game. We would sit on the porch, look out into the distance and count layers. "How many layers do you see?" When we find ourselves in a remote place of beauty, we still play that game all these years later.
We have been in waiting limbo since February when we first decided that the Estancia development might be a good housing fit for our newest new normal. (Have you noted through my blog that life continually shifts gears enmeshing us in the shift from one new normal to another?) In the last 6 months we have delved completely into excitement, impatience, fear, disappointment, and the thrill of taking control of a difficult situation. It has been a bit of 'walk' between the Waiting Place and the Fake Place. Moving from being weighed down and waiting to that uncomfortable place where I pretend I fully accept my circumstances. What I actually need(ed) was trust. Trust that the dance of time would, in the end, respond to my patience. Waiting in the waiting place is hard.
No one says building a house is easy. No one says the decisions, the communication, the permits, the financial decisions, or the emotional good-bye to a loved home will be easy. For each of these my mind wanders through hypothetical scenarios and decisions. And in the end… which wins? The Fake Place or the Waiting Place? There is no secret that the wheels turn slowly and uncertainty can hang in the air for months when you are building a house, but in the end my Waiting Place proved to hold me secure.
By the grace of God and the endless help of our realtor Chris and the developers realtor Max, we have arrived in our Settling Place. Contract signed, house being built! Now? Sit back, relax and enjoy the build!