This was said by a woman in my Parkinson's group. It certainly resonates with me! When a person's brain changes, they become a different person. It is not all at once, but varied shades over time. Imagine taking the color black and little by little adding a bit of white to the black; it moves through shades and eventually becoming grey. Not a bad thing, merely different and requires some adjustment.
This week our color scheme shifted a bit in relation to Russ' disease. In 6 years Russ has seen 6 neurologists. We just began with Dr Edgar last week. The last two, Dr Deligtish and Dr Hannah, were both amazing, but Dr Deligtish was a 3 hour drive away and when Dr Hannah came to Durango, we decided to try her practice. Sadly family difficulties took her back east and we are again building a
relationship with a new doctor, Dr. Eric Edgar.
Both women told us Russ had Parkinsonism, specifically MSA, Multiple Systems Atrophy. We listened, but really it is just easier to tell folks, and ourselves, he has Parkinson's Disease. Dr Edgar, the new neurologist who took Dr Hanna's place here in Durango, explained MSA to us in layman's terms... NOW I understand they grey.
I am probably the one who is having the hardest time surrendering. I tend to want Russ to be 'the old' Russ... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
MSA attacks the midline nervous system. In traditional PD, the brain does not make enough dopamine so drugs are given to infuse dopamine into the system and the neurons down the line pick it up and the body can function on a more balanced level. With MSA, the brain makes plenty of dopamine, but the neurons down the spinal column have atrophied so the dopamine does no good. There are no drugs to correct that. Dr Edgar gave me/us a bit of a reality check in the facts of life, our MAS life.
I appreciate knowing the facts. So now I have the sad facts and I must surrender. I do not give up, but I use the reality to make the best life for us that I can. Thankfully Russ is calm in the face of my anxiety, I ma grateful.