When we were young, and especially in the early years of blending two families, one of us might come home after school to find a 'surprise' on our bed; for us alone, bought with intention just for us, an UNbirthday present. To me, coming into my bedroom to find a random gift was a wonderful surprise. For mom it was an "I love you", "you'll feel better soon", "don't let Merry's words get you down", "you're doing great, keep trying". For her, she was building one of us up who needed a little something extra, a bit of encouragement. For me? It was years before I understood the subliminal message of holding others up when you see them struggling. By 'doing' she showed me that being a person who cares and makes others 'matter' is actually a spiritual gift. By giving you are supporting. By supporting you are caring. By caring you make the world a better place.
The caveat here is that it is given freely and not with the intention of being recognized and thanked. It means doing for the sake of doing. Mom's little surprises lifted me. I try to carry that forward, the operative word being 'try'. Of course I am not always successful. Of course there are the times when I might want to be seen or be valued and if I just do this…. they will notice. We all fall short and find, in reflection, that we had made the experience 'all about me'. But my goal, the one I try to incorporate into my day is to honestly make my caring actions about the other person. I fail daily, but plod on… trying hard to not make it all about me.
Why is there any connection between the book I'm reading and this memory? Perhaps it's that how-to books often go from negative to positive. In the first several chapters of Emotionally Healthy Leader I am being allowed to blame any malfunction on my part on my family. I am given permission to hand over poor choices, missed opportunities and failures to my family. Now truth be told, my growing up years could be described as loving, tragic, enriching, sad, pampered, and a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. But I do not see blaming my upbringing on how I live my life today. It shaped me, but I alone make my choices in how to live and lead. I guess this author has tweaked my ire. I'll be polite in discussions and most likely not say how I really feel. I will carry mom's kindness towards her confused step-daughter as my guide.