8-9-21
The night before this big trip, I was so excited, dreaming and pondering the long awaited moments ahead. The trip is about family and reflecting on my life with Russ, it is about spreading some of Russ’ ashes and about celebrating the TV personalities that had so much to do with making Russ’ last year include a bit of imagination. Maine Cabin Masters helped him remember building, repurposing materials and the camaraderie of team effort.
8-10-21
The trip to the airport at 5am was free of traffic making it all the way through town with green lights; a rarity. Even the vacant roads and the music did not stow my tears though; they slid steadily for most of the trip to the airport, dripping down my cheeks and off my chin onto my shirt. I tried to stop them, really I did, but they resisted.
Arriving in line at the American Airlines desk, it was time to put on my patience hat. I was ready to accept my day unfolding; so much could happen between Colorado and my landing destination of Hartford, Connecticut. And surprise of surprises, I was not disappointed!
The most 'trying' part of the day was the two hours spent on the tarmac in Philadelphia waiting out a mini-burst of rough winds and rain. Airports were closing in the eastern half of the US and the tower crews were trying to reroute us. In the moments of indecision I did some preplanning and found a hotel that had rooms 'just in case' our flight was canceled. After all, I am too old to curl up on an airport bench for the night.
Alas, we took off and landed a mere 3+ hours after our scheduled arrival time. Thankfully I had a lovely seat mate, a woman who runs clinical trials for those suffering from depression. She had just been to visit family and was giddy with the joy of seeing so many cousins and all her siblings.
The day was a 14 hour day for me, but I was greeted by Ron and Gail who had driven all the way to CT to be my personal welcoming party. They patiently waited the extra hours for my flight to arrive and greeted me with open arms, hugs and smiles, melding me into the land of humidity. We gathered up my bags, collected my rental car and they squired me to Liz' house. I had thought their coming all that way was a bit over-the-top, but it was perfect. Their good cheer and the journey in the dark to Liz's house was smooth with their guidance... a gift to begin this 2 week journey.
8-12-21
And now it is 6:14 AM, a cup of BOLD coffee in a wonderful whale's tail mug sitting beside me, my bathrobe literally stuck to the chair back in eastern humidity, and my bare arms, leaning on the table edge as I type, stuck to the surface. After years of living in the western climate, you remember humidity... but not the reality of it. It's a brand new, old world!
A quiet day drowning in my own sweat (thank you humidity), long chats with Liz and completed with dinner out with Liz/Gar and Andy/Steph. Amazing what the pull of sibling love does for me, circling me with the comfort of familiarity, common memories, and the steady knowing of love and care. As we left the restaurant Steph said, "I have something for you in the car". She handed me two bags...a care package, comfort for a trip to the woods and a week of reflection. The vast majority of my time in Maine I will be alone, no TV, just the sounds of bird call and the hopeful sighting of moose, some quiet time on the water floating aimlessly in a canoe and the sound of silence freeing my mind to say good-bye to Russ... A wall of windows in the cabin will offer undisturbed peace.
Genesis 43:23
And he said, Peace be to you, fear not: your God, and the God of your father, hath given you treasure...
The coming week in Maine is for reflection, a mirror to allow me to look within. It is a time to contemplate decisions and ponder my path. During our last 5 years, we both could have crumbled under the weight of PD, but we didn't. There were times we each retreated from the pressure and slipped into reflective meditation, allowing both of us to remember "the worst thing in life is not the last thing in life" (a Jeff quote).
The end goal for Maine is to take the time to honor Russ' goodness, his love, his joy in life and his ceaseless care until his very last breath. He would tell me I have the energy, the stamina and the courage to move forward in life. Now all I have to do is believe that!