We had dinner with friend's the other night; a glorious summer evening, sumptuous dinner and lively conversation on the back deck, perfection. To someone 'looking in', an evening with 2 couples who share values, have led a charmed life and daily tread each step in confidence. Ah, then our hostess causally mentions that in her younger years she eloped, climbing out the window no less! She is quite conservative, very involved is local arts groups, is politically engaged and articulate, is the ultimate parent of love and care and I find out she eloped! (and this to a man she eventually divorced) I find out there is more to her story than I have know these last 14 years!
On the drive home I thought of a few other stories; I thought about one of my favorite questions to ask people… "What were you doing in life before you were who your are now?" I always enjoy hearing something unknown, shocking, substantial or bold from someone I think I know.
Take these tidbits:
Shevaughn decided when she was 13 she'd marry Kenny. Her friend called her late in the evening, told her Kenny was back in town at the local bar. She climbed down the drain pipe, rode her bike to the bar, walked up to Kenny and announced they were going to get married. They have been for 29 years now!
An older gentleman who, at 21, lived in northern Canada for 3 summers, camping on the shores of remote lakes tagging fish. His food was flown in once a week and 'dropped'. Really? People find pleasure in that?
Or the college friend who biked across America one summer with her sister, making friends and staying with strangers. Her most memorable accommodation was the night they stayed with a crazy-ish older woman who was a hoarder and only had room for them to sleep under her dining room table. You wonder what the older woman's story was and how that trip opened new thinking for two young adults.
We have done 6 funerals at work in the recent past. I must say, Jeff builds a powerful service to celebrate the life of those who recently died. He makes them personal, celebrating the person's life and in each one I learn about a person I thought I knew. Quiet little Lucy, a 63 yr. old retiree who loved to hike, loved crafts and was the epitome of gentle had a past I was shocked to learn about. She was a trailblazer for women in the very male world of petroleum geology during the 70s and 80s. Who knew what a brilliant geologist she was; guiding Texaco and the path of gas and oil extraction?
Russ grew up in a fairly traditional Quaker family. How did this shape him? Do you see the good Quaker who grew up during the Depression years when you speak with him? Do you have a sense of how this might have made him who he is today? Sundays were solemn. The family went to unprogrammed worship (Friend's Meeting), otherwise known as waiting worship. The gathering of Friends sat expectantly waiting on God to experience the still small voice leading them. Returning home after meeting, the day continued with a family meal and quiet reflection time. There were no play dates, no card games, nothing frivolous on First Days. How did all this shape Russ?
Me? My maternal mother died when I was in the 3rd grade after life-long health issues. She died during the night; I was sent to school that day! I was not allowed to attend the funeral because I was too young. My own story has as many moments of pain as it does happiness. Did I choose to be positive? Did my personal make-up 'allow' me to be positive? How do we move through life with the pieces we have no control of and become who we are. In our meanderings, how do the pieces become the whole?
It has taken me so many years to feel comfortable in my own skin, to allow myself to just be me in spite of my story.