I haven't much appreciated the tests and lessons of the last many years, but am using the journey to lead me towards the last years of my life.
I find my thinking a bit odd. How is it that I think of my life's journey as a smooth path. At every stage, I seem to get in a groove and think, this is it, I can do this, I like this. But life has detours and roadblocks and through them I change and grow. The journey demands that I explore, try new things, transform, adapt and learn. It presents challenges and opportunities I don't expect and from there I must choose a path. Sometimes I do this consciously and other times I stand silent and wait. Sometimes I'm able to acknowledge to myself that life is a journey and not a destination. Ah, but sometimes not. In the two years since Russ' death, I have been standing silent, letting life come at me, moving forward only when tears come and I must face myself, soul deep. Then I must face opportunities with the rest of my life in mind. My current challenge is moving from mountains of 13,000' to fields of cactus, from 4 seasons to 3, from all I know to just about everything new. I am leaving a home I love that was built with love. Thank goodness for my brother Ron and sister-in-law Gail. I will of course take along my lifetime of learning, but it's still hard, leaving for something so completely different. So here I sit, preparing mentally for this next phase of life. I am discerning what is important to me, flexing muscles long hidden of being true to me, 'living life and letting God'
I haven't much appreciated the tests and lessons of the last many years, but am using the journey to lead me towards the last years of my life.
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