To that end I went to an internet puzzle site and had a photograph of us made into a puzzle. I thought it might give me a starting point, a memory of a glorious hike at Arches National Park. As soon as I ordered it, I got a little nervous as I had not put together a puzzle since grade school. As I had ordered 500 piece puzzle I went out and bought a 500 piece puzzle... it took me 3 weeks to put together! As the photo I chose was more red rock than us, I decided I had better practice some more and got another puzzle. I am happy to report that I got this one together in a week.
I truly want my time in Maine to be a time of reflection. Though Russ never went to the cabin I rented, he did see it rehabbed on HGTVs Maine Cabin Masters. It will be the exact kind of vacation week we both loved... quiet, calm, on the water with a dock, some hiking, quiet reading time and just staring from the deck (or dock) at the natural beauty surrounding the cabin. Simple meals, some music and shared love. The difference will be that I have to carry the love in my heart...alone.
But life's a puzzle and as much as I like to plan ahead, that isn't always the way things turn out. It can be complicated. Sometimes we try to force pieces in places where they don't fit. We (I?) want to be in control and the only person I can be in control of is me. I want to be able to focus on our 43 years together, piece by piece and season by season. During our life together there were times of fear, boredom, great anticipation, success, hope, and the shallowness of wanting things our way. But we did it together, knowing that all the pieces were there. Sometimes one of us might have to help the other to work a bit harder than anticipated in order to make connections.
As our life's puzzle came together we gained wisdom, knowing each piece of the puzzle was essential to our whole. As with a puzzle, time, patience and dedication were paramount for the final result: one big picture of our life together.
As I put together the Linda-Russell puzzle in Maine, I want to reflect on our life stages, our memories and the big events that moved us forward in our 43 years. We learned that life comes with challenges and with one another we could find patience. Now I must 'trust' that without Russ' love and care, my future puzzle pieces will fall into their place of purpose.
I am using Maine to reflect and maybe I will find the puzzle piece that will help me move forward.
July 5th would have been our 44th anniversary. Sigh.