I felt the need to approach the staff at work to bring my elephant into the open. I work with amazing people, but of course uncomfortable is... well, uncomfortable. I feel each person has compassion for our situation, but they lose site of their own. Is everyone's life perfect on every front? Am I the only one that has a personal struggle? I don't think so!
I grew up ‘playing a role’. I was taught to ‘make nice, be nice’. I was taught to do community service so others would know how good I was. I was taught to always respond “I’m fine thank you and you?” I was taught proper social conversation. It was not so much my parents as the times. June Cleaver dominated our world, the archetypal suburban parent of the 1950s. My world emulated that role.
The day I left for college I chose to be real, to be truthful. I chose to falter in the eyes of others and be me. I chose not to make life about what others thought I should show the world, but who I was, truly.
Some feel sorry for me, some encourage me, some quake at the thought of dealing with a degenerative disease, and some wonder if I can do my job effectively; perhaps I should retire.
I am fine. I am real and when I am asked, I share my reality, not the 50's version of “I’m fine thank you and you?”. If you do not want to know my reality, please don’t ask. Each one of us has a life testimony where our past influences or dictates our reactions. For me, Russ is sick and it is an ultimate sadness to watch him fail. But I am confidant that having hired help allows me to do my job, and allows both Russ and I the dignity of choice. It allows us a bit of 'me' time, not worrying about the other.
Every (note the operative word 'every') person has a life issue. The question is whether they share that with others. Do they want others to think life is always ‘perfect’ or do they want ‘real’ to be their guide. I choose ‘real’ and I want you to know I am OK with that.
My sense of reality is strong. I fail often to navigate others reality. This post is as much for me as anyone. I get stuck in the need to succeed in my own working world (or neighborly world or family world); I get lost because I forget to look beyond the edges of my own experiences. Today I wanted to challenge that notion and brought my 'elephant' to staff meeting. My intent was to bring focus on all of us as individuals. No life is pain free. No life is trouble free. No life is care free. As a staff (friends, neighbors, Parkinson's group) we can gift one another by reminding one another that we are alive beings. We can gift one another by remembering that the good, bad and ugly is a part of everyone's world. We can gift one another by not only sharing our own reality, but encouraging them to share theirs.
When there is an elephant in the room... don't hesitate to introduce him.