By 9:30am I had decided I wanted a do-over; I am having quite the bad hair day. Here is what I discovered as the day moved on. As a caregiver this is my JOB, not just me doing the loving thing, doing the death til we part thing, but a job. I need to focus and relax my expectations... all at the same time. Russ' losses are rearranging us from the inside out. In our life with PD there is a sadness opening inside of me. As things get harder and harder for Russ I need to shift my attention from doing the loving thing to the mechanics of the job. I am not saying for a second that I have fallen out of love. The exact opposite...my love grows and deepens, but swaddled in fear. I need to release the emotional worry and dig deep for the positive. My world is no longer his world and my job is to adapt and support, to love and encourage. Sigh.