THE LONG, LONG TRAIL
I try so
Continually
To get where I’m going…
But often I drive my wagon
Into the bramble!
I frequently fight my way
Through the tangled underbrush.
Instead of finding
The path…
And even when I arrive at
The right destination,
I’m all scratched
And bruised and bleeding,
Having struggled through thorns
That I did not see.
I try so hard,
To cross the rivers
Without sinking,
To climb the mountains
Without fainting,
To walk the valleys
Without fear.
I try!
It’s my best attribute…
And my worst.
I need to accept release,
To listen,
To let go of the reins…
And just ride!
I appreciated that on this 'ride' Russ and I are on called Parkinson's, all these words are true. It is not a depressing thought, just real. Life truly is a dance. swaying between making it happen and letting it happen. In the midst of fear, one must make a concerted effort "to let go of the reins" and those that know me know how hard that is, but "I try!"
Certainly there is a bit of good and not so good in each of us. It made me wonder what attribute of my life contributes to the good of mankind and yet on the flip side needs to be tweaked. I think that would be 'care'.
care[ kair ]
verb (used without object), cared, car·ing.
to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard.
to be concerned or have a special preference
to make provision or look out (usually followed by for)
to have an inclination, liking, fondness, or affection (usually followed by for):
It is difficult to turn care on and off. I sometimes smother Russ with care, but quite honestly that is preferable to complete indifference. I know PD wives who give very little support and I find that incredulous. Though it hurts when Russ asks me to back off, "I try!"
Russ and I are doing this dance together and all I can say for it is "I try!"
Advice I read somewhere: Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. It is about perspective and not taking yourself too seriously.