I love my lapis wedding band and the lapis necklace that Russ chose to go with it. I have taken neither off since he gifted me with them. A wedding ring is a circle, with neither a beginning or end. It symbolizes eternal love and the never-ending bond of marriage. As a second marriage for both of us, one might find our endless love and the wedding band symbolism with a second ring to be a contradiction. We truly lived the sentiment 'til death do us part' in every day we had together.
What of now? What of two and a half years since Russ died (two years, 6 months and two days actually)? Was today the day for a big decision? As I drove down Broadway Blvd. I passed JARED Jewelers. I made a Tucson U-turn and headed back. I was a bit intimidated that they keep the doors locked and must unlock and open for each customer.
(in hindsight, that's strange. Do they assess each person who comes to the door for the look of a thief? Or is it an advertising ploy...do they want each customer to think they are so important and valuable that we have to request special entry into this place of opulence, a sanctuary of jewels?)
Today I chose a sapphire, I like the symbolism. In my world of change and acceptance, the sapphire fits my journey.
Sapphire is said to be the wisdom stone, stimulating concentration, enhancing creativity and promoting purity and depth of thought. It is believed to focus and calm the mind as well as remove unwanted thoughts, depression and mental tension.
I will wear this new ring in hope and faith, allowing Russ to walk beside me with his grace; he will still be a part of this ring too. It will be a reminder to me of his final words in his last weeks... to take care of myself, be myself, not to live in emotional turmoil because of his death and to accept the love of others...family, friends, another man. He begged me to live as whole as possible. We did talk. We did try to say good-bye in love. We did pray for one another.
Russ wasn't a man who stood on tradition. He gave, felt, loved and served when it felt right to him. Buying this ring feels right to me, I hope he'd approve. As I see it today, this ring is about happy memories. It is about a way to move my heart forward, but also trust in my inner wisdom and the love and faith we nurtured in one another.