This morning I read "Over the years I've learned the most compassionate response we can give someone who is not OK is, 'That must be really dificult.' That, plus a big hug. It doesn't resolve their question or relieve their fear, but it reminds them we're in this together. It removes the sense of shame we feel when we struggle in secret and removes the facade of needing to pretend we have the simple answer to really complex issues. Just enter into the ambiguity with the hurting people around you. Admit that you don't know what they are feeling, but you do know you're with them. They are not looking for a quick answer; they need a good friend. No one's going to believe any of our answers if we don't let them know we have a couple of questions too."
I work with a gentleman who lives in assisted living. I facilitate the Durango Parkinson's group. I facilitate a local Caregivers Gathering. I am currently leading a book study about honesty, vulnerability and truth. I have 'regular' friends who have 'regular' issues in their lives. I have family and neighbors and acquaintances, all with their own needs. I am female and I like to 'fix' things. That may be an unfair generalization of women, but I find I can be a bit short sighted or narrow minded. I might lead into a discussion thinking if you just do it my way things will work out. NOT.
I have said often, that I like to be in control. But life just doesn't work that way. With my new world responsibilities I am also working with a new reality. People need to be seen, need to be heard. Hearing that yes, this must be difficult and to receive a hug will calm them, sometimes immediately and sometimes in reflection. But it is always a lesson for me. And recently I have had to stop short of my personal opinion and objectively look at their world, a very different world than mine. Is this always easy? No. But it is rewarding when I can drain the fight or flight reaction from them and replace it with calm. That makes my heart happy, and presumably theirs too.