Just this morning I was sitting at my dining table, having finished my morning pages and looking at my cozy, warm, comfortable home. I have had my share (plus!) of crying moments recently, missing Russ, but as the tears come these days, I admonish myself because the world needs my courage and not my sadness. The last two years have exposed people to the stress of Covid and on the heels of that comes international trauma, war on Ukraine.
I truly believe, when I think of Russ or see his smiling face in a photo... "I wish you were here, but I'm glad you're not". No more pain, no more small good-byes, no more depending on me for everything, no more worry about what he will lose next? In the last year+, I have never wavered from that thought. But tears come unbidden, they seem to leak and slide down my cheeks in unlikely moments.
Today I think of the thousands/millions of people who are affected by this war. The decision to leave, stay, where, how... My sadness of living a most amazing love story and losing it, is my reality. Our love story is real of course, a gift from God, a blessing I got to live for 43 years, but in the midst of the world news stories, photos and war crimes... how can I not be focused on that instead of my own pain? This is not a love story, but one of hate, fear and constant unpredictability.
More about Samaritan's Purse work:
https://www.samaritanspurse.org
As I persoanally struggle with continued grief, I engage with the war stories most likely from a place of empathy. As I have stated many times, I feel best when I am in control. There is absolutely no way for me personally to control this war. But I see the world trying. I see the world trying, with enormous heart, to stand beside the Ukraine. Though we can't necessarily take action, we can make a difference one small change at a time. My counselor, today, suggested that by my being willing to experience joy, it helps me remember a reality I want the world to be living
I enjoy reading the NYT columnist David Brooks. He recently said democracy is "like farming. Planting the seeds is like establishing a democracy. But for democracy to function you have to till and fertilize the soil, erect fences, pull up weeds, and prune the early growth. The founders knew democracy was not natural. It takes a lot of cultivation to make democracy to work."
I believe that life is about planting seeds. Some of us accept the fact that all decisions, choices, and plans need to be fertilized. Sometimes we 'hide' from reality thinking no one else is experiencing life the way we are. So please take the challenge of giving daily thought to the Ukrainians, the civilians, innocent Russians and world wide ramifications... pray for world order and peace.