Lately I have felt failure thrumming through my days. I am tired and cranky, not a pretty combination. The very sad part of that is that I have a beautiful life. I don't have Parkinson's, Russ does! I watch the folks in my Parkinson's class as well as our Parkinson's education group; now there is a reason to be tired or cranky!
Not only does my house need spring cleaning, but my attitude does as well. I need to take a break now and then to refresh. Yesterday I walked the hiking trail across the road from our development. It was a rare personal reflection time. I often do things alone, but they are mostly errands, being in the car going from here to there or household chores. But to truly 'be alone' is rare.
I have been irritable and Russ has been my rock. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I am cranky, yet there is nothing particular that I am angry about? This morning Russ said, "I want to be less of a burden on you. Help me to figure that out please." Now there was the kindest of kind, a guy who understands acts of service! From his place of the hundreds of 'good-byes', he is the one with the serving heart and I am wanting him to: be safe, do one thing at a time, articulate, swallow, stabilize, and a huge one for us, S-L-O-W down.
How do I do life? Over and over and over... People aren't perfect, marriages aren't perfect and most certainly life isn't perfect. But remembering to take time for myself allows me to jump start the rally cry to start again.