Comparing yourself to others in how they act or what they have is a common reflex. Many of us live on that treadmill and we do so unconsciously. When we were building this house, there were a few 'expectations' that the buyer 'much do', 'must have'. A house built in 2016 'must have' granite counters, a large master bath with jetted tub and a toilet in a 'closet', his and hers walk in closets, air conditioning and a 'great room'. I nixed all but the 'great room'. I have confidence in my own life style and needs.
Why is that so easy for me with the outer trappings of life, but so very difficult as the wife of a guy with Parkinson's. I regularly repeat to myself "it's his disease, he has to do it his way". Yet on a daily basis I expect him to embrace my way of living. Obviously that isn't fair. I ooze over protection and unintentionally hurt his feelings.
Russ wants to create something in his shop? I become incredibly protective and anticipate what I consider to be every need to prevent him from struggles and frustration. I know he is capable. I know I am supposed to WAIT for him to ask for help. I know my hovering takes away pieces that make Russ' life feel normal and worthwhile. I know too that SOMETIMES my hovering saves the day. So where is the balance?
When I approach this with my head, I know he needs to be the judge of what he can and cannot do. It is my job to lend him a hand whenever he feels the need for it and asks for help. I seem to make it about me. I don't really want another ER visit, a call from the ambulance or a text thats says "I fell, but I'm OK". But shouldn't I be proud of that? I have a husband who is facing a degenerative neurological disease and he is doing it with guts. He falls? He gets up.
I'm trying. I am able to periodically release my grip on the bubble wrap and will continue to strive towards that end. With summer coming, being in our very accessible home, and being willing to face my 'issue', I am reaching towards more 'freedom' for Russ and 'balance' in my care giving skills.