"Fine thank you, and you?" is just a sentence, but it's message implies the other person matters. Perhaps it is that people know Russ has Parkinson's, perhaps it is that I always look exhausted, perhaps my ever even personality is showing signs of emotional cracks... but just about every day a person will say "How A-R-E you?" As I think about it, is it really possible for every single person to be doing fine 365 days a year? Truth be told, do they really care? Of course some do, but some are just at a loss of what to say and it has become a universal greeting to utter the polite social query, thoughtlessly. Do those asking want the truth? When you utter "How are you?" are you really listening to the answer?
Lately, I have a new reply. It seems to engage people and allow them the awareness that Russ and I are in a vulnerable place in life. Life has good moments of course, but living with a degenerative disease is not 'fine'. My new response when asked how I am, is "Goodish". It is a moment of power, affording the other person a piece of life's reality without overwhelming them with the details. They don't need to know more than life is OK, could be better, but we are making each day as complete as we can.
I want to be courteous and kind. I want people to feel I am approachable. I want people to ask and care. So, I try to follow up my "goodish" reply with "I hope you are well" or "Thank you for asking". Mother provided me with the tools, always encouraging me not to neglect the niceties that have elevated human interactions for centuries.
How are you today?