I pondered the why of this blog. Why do I feel comforted writing things down? Why does baring one's soul help? What is it in these postings I am trying to accomplish? Well… for me, it is part prayer, part family connection and part here is what it means to struggle with PD, as the patient and as the care giver.
Just now, Russ fell. He had a long, active day and he was tired. He was 'backing up' and fell. Not injured, but a loud thud. I reacted (loud and verbal). We were able to get him up and be assured no injuries. But again, that begs why does it help to write it down?
I need to be real. I need to face things full on. I need to be just as present for the joy of accomplishments as I do for the 'need to know' for the tough stuff. For me, writing things down helps me process.
Our discussion this evening after righting Russ was "so how do I get to the chair without backing up". OK, how many years have you been walking? You want to turn 90 degrees (front to back). It seems so simple. But for Russ, he can no longer turn around, he always needs to be going forward. In a tight space how does that happen? We are constantly discussing strategies.
And the bottom line, the bottom line in the midst of my fear/worry/anger of a fall? Russ did not set out to fall. He did not think 'hmmmm, I wonder if I can fall?' His falls are part of the disease. They happen. Now I need to embrace that fact and find a better way to react other than a scream or an immediate plan of strategy.
The experience required an apology from me to Russ. It required some prayer, a tiny pity party and some thoughtful consideration of how to approach this when it next happens. We'll get better at this, of that I am certain.
If you want to do something? Reach out to someone dealing with something hard. It's not easy, but just a "hi…" with a smile brings peace and hope and a nudge of 'you can do this'. Honestly. Hope and control comes in many packages, but most often family and friends are the gift of the day! Bless others. Be blessed.