I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled...
I face two choices, both leading to uncertainty. I can stay here in my Colorado home, clinging to my heart song of Russ OR I can move from this home towards only the unknown hope of gentle healing. It is not to forget Russ, but to find new ways to honor him. He begged me to 'live' after he was gone and I have had two years of trying and only occasionally succeeding; he made me so very proud in his grace of handling the degenerative struggles of Parkinson's. I am at the entrance of choice, a fork in the road, the choice of embracing the new me (option one) or wallowing in constant pain (option two).
I know there is treasure in all this, but I must dig, it is not evident from the surface. I have an opportunity to wash away the residue of fear of change to find the treasure. I know I have been a ghost of who I can be, but in order to find the treasure I need a new path. So like Robert Frost's poem suggests, I face two choices; stay or leave.
My path? I will leave this beautiful home and forge a new path, not leaving Russ behind, but carrying him towards sunshine, both figuratively and literally.
May my tears of 2022 water the seeds of my plantings in 2023...