We all struggle with how to respond to death. We all struggle wanting to say the right thing, offer the right comfort or share the right story. Sometimes though we can't capture that reality or we don't know the person very well. Today was that day for me. What to do? Rather than say something stupidly, unintentionally hurtful, I cooked, I hugged, and I listened. Another neighbor was there for her and coached me in the days' decisions. As I can only leave Russ for minutes I only had time for a quick hug and drop off.
I knew several folks were bringing supper foods over. When you read about funerals there is always food; ladened tables and counters of food, friends dropping by with a casserole or bread or goodies. I decided on a strata which can be baked and eaten immediately or stored and then scooped out to bee reheated. (I have never tried freezing it). With both boys coming home I figure it can be nibble food. The shock of a death creates scattered focus, so nibble food is good.
I post it here, best ever for company, family, death of a friend or for the time when you want an easy morning that nourishes the soul with no thought in how you got there.
A starta fits. Make the day before, pop in the oven the morning after. It becomes comfort with little thought. Or in the case of Carla, nourishment for those gathering to mourn Carl.
Peace be with you dear family.
He whom we love and lose is no longer where he was before, but in our hearts and minds forever.
St John Chrystostom
INGREDIENTS
- 9 1-inch-thick slices French bread (each about 3x5 inches)
- 5 large eggs (I always use 6)
- 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon dried basil
- 1/2 teaspoon salt (I never add in)
- 1-1/2 cups half and half (I generally use 1-3/4cups)
- 2 cups (packed) grated sharp cheddar cheese (about 8 ounces)
- 1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 2 x 1/4-inch strips
- 15 cherry tomatoes, halved
- 6 ounces smoked sausage (such as kielbasa), cut into 1/2-inch cubes (I use breakfast sausage or Brats or bacon)
- 2 tablespoons minced onion
- Chopped fresh parsley
DIRECTIONS
- Butter a 13x9" baking dish.
- Chunk up the bread into cubes and make a good base of bread in the dish.
- Whisk the eggs, mustard, and basil in a bowl. Whisk in half & half. Pour this over the bread.
- Saute any veggies you are adding (except the tomatoes)
- Layer on extras over the soaking bread
- half the cheese (I always go a bit heavy as we love cheese)
- cooked, crumbled sausage
- sliced tomatoes
- the rest of the cheese
- Cover this with foil and put in frig overnight.
IN THE MORNING
- Preheat oven to 350
- Bake 20 minutes then remove the foil.
- Bake another 20 minutes or until the Strat is 'set' (springy to the touch)
- Cool 5 minutes
And one more thought. Few people get it right all the time. Comforting a grieving person is multifaceted and very personal. Do you answer a question and throw in a little advice to those grieving? Do you leave them alone for those initial days. Just as with talking to someone who is gravely ill, talking to a grieving person is really not 'talking', but listening. The misconception is that grief evolves in a linear timeline. In reality though it doesn't work that way, especially in the initial days. A look, an image, a sound, a pet, a meal, a smell...all these can trigger a new moment of grief, experienced in a new way. It will happen again and again, sometimes by the minute.
Our job as friends is to try to contain all the twists and turns in a grieving person's thoughts and to just listen. I didn't do that today and it makes me sad to recall my conversation. I did not just listen as I should have (and I knew better!), but offered advice...which in fact was asked for but not really needed or wanted. I was suppose to be the stable one, the listener. I will try harder in days to come. Talking is my gift set, not listening... but I will try.
For now it will be food.