For obvious reasons, or perhaps not if you haven't dealt with the death of a loved one, it is purported to be one of the emotionally difficult times for those who are grieving. I think all 'firsts' will be emotionally trying. Going to the symphony alone was pretty darn hard. Though the music was beautiful, I felt empty.
Holidays are generally a gathering time for friends and family, filled with joy and togetherness. I will be with friends and for that I am grateful. But all the peripheral 'noise' within the community in the days and weeks leading up to Thanksgiving are already making an imprint of my subliminal conscious.
When I look at the season from Thanksgiving to New Year's, it's overwhelming. It's just beginning- only Thanksgiving- how will I move through all this emptiness for another month and a half? How? I tell myself one day at a time; sounds so simple, but I am not finding it so. At the same time, as I initially stated, friends and family are caring for my heart and I am grateful... as in, I GIVE THANKS.
I don't need to make Thanksgiving exactly how we always celebrated, I can make something new from something old. That's my goal. In my mind I have stored many 'traditions' from childhood, young adult and 43 years with Russ. Certainly I can find a few precious pieces to include this season. And of course I can most certainly give thanks.
A - 42 Anniversaries with Russ
B - the endless support of my Bible study group as 'me'
C - safe Car for travel with wheelchair van (thank you Joan)
D - living in Durango
E - Durango Emergency teams who come to the rescue
F - Friends, Family, Food
G - great Grandkids
H - endless Hiking trails
I - the Invisible/Intangible presence of Russ
J - our incredible Journey
K - neighborhood Kids
L - the gift of Love lost
M - Memories
N - fantastic Neighbors
O - new Opportunities
P - Pinecrest Preserve (private park for Estancia)
Q - a fairly 'Quiet landing' for Russ
R - view of Red Rocks on Missionary Ridge from the house
S - extraordinary Siblings
T - Touched by Parkinson's but Triumphed in attitude (Russ)
U - Until death do us part
V - Vistas to enjoy on our weekly adventures
W - amazing Weather and Wilderness areas
X - our /X/ - trodinary connection through a 10 year journey with Parkinson's
Y - our Years together
Z - Zillions of photographs
Many times in the last several years we talked about what we were grateful for. When the hours of each day become a challenge, it is paramount to remember the gifts right in front of you. Keeping that in mind as I face widowhood continues to be just as important.