So many pieces have come together (conspired?) in the last weeks to help me focus. Married and a caregiver, I felt I had all the pieces in focus, available. I did learn in the first weeks of losing Russ that panic, fear, crisis and depression make mud of your brain. If things aren't organized, you make it harder on yourself. I was organized and I made it through, but it could have been easier, perhaps even letting a bit of light filter through.
But what of now? I am alone. Who will pick up the pieces? I have decided there is no one I can ask. Siblings are aging just as I am, my step-children are gently estranged, and the grandchildren are young and using all their energy to become successful adults.
To complicate things a bit further, I moved to another state and need to update all my legal paperwork. Three things in the last 2 weeks have come together to help me prepare, to face my own mortality, to not be a burden on those I love. First, I met with Jon, a Wills & Trust person. Then I met with Annette, a fiduciary. And finally I went to the Caregivers group (I'm volunteering to walk alongside this group) at PWR, the Parkinson's gym here in Tucson.
Every piece of that three-fold journey is important to the whole. I am grateful for all three; I was prepared for wills & trusts and the fiduciary. I wasn't prepared to face the reality that I was only prepared for me... were I to die all my information was scattered. In comes Vikki's review at the caregivers group of a book she had read.
The notebook can help us all, not just those with or caring for someone with Parkinson's.
I WAS organized for Russ' death. I had all the pieces, I knew his wishes and I followed them. That's what it's all about, sharing YOUR wishes. In the midst of an emergency or death, decisions are difficult. Having everything pre-arranged eliminates forcing others to make decisions they may be unsure of or to burden them with hours of searching and/or phone calls to find the needed answers..
So what will be in this notebook?
1. Emergency Contact Information
Names, address, home, work and cell phone numbers, email address, websites
...any information that will assist the fiduciary (or executer) make decisions
- Spouse
- Children
- Siblings
- Parents
- any other important person or organization in your life
2. Financial and legal contact Information
- Estate Attorney (or in my case Wills & Trusts)
- Acccountant
- Fiduciary
- Investment Advisor
3. Medical Information
- Medications (for me that meant recent, current... but you may want to add past depending on your medical challenges)
- Contact information on Primary doctor
- Contact information on medical specialists
- Dental, eye, neurology, cardiology....
- Immunizations records
- List of allergies
- Significant family medical history
- Medical Power of Attorney
4. Financial Information
- Banking information
- Contact information of the bank
- Account numbers
- Insurance Policies
- Retirement Plans
- Stocks and Bonds
- Recurring Bills (utilities, insurance, mortgage, maintenance, HOA...)
- Are they auto-pay, paid by check or CC
- Loans
- Financial Power of Attorney
- Taxes
- the location of previous years
- where current information is kept
- Safe Deposit Box?
End-of-life Information
- Will and any accompanying statements concerning final arrangements for personal property
- Advanced Directives
- Organ Donor Information
- Funeral and burial guidance
Location of Key items
- Where are important documents (passport, military records, deeds, marriage certificate, social security card/#, title to vehicle(s)
- Photos
- Jewelry
- Collections
Passwords to all online accounts, mobile devices and computers
- Email accounts
- Computers, Laptop, iPad
- Phone
- Software, websites and mobile phone apps
- Facebook or any social media
- consider directing in how you want these handled
I encourage you. If the idea is overwhelming, do one small page a day or one hour, or step. You can do this. I AM doing this.
Addendum:
I 'thought' I had everything I needed close at hand. The good news is I know where to find it, but I have probably spent 3 hours (minimum) so far and I am only half way through getting things written up for the notebook. Definitely a good thing to do while I still have all my 'faculties'.