Waiting on a return phone call is not as much fun certainly, but it allows my brain to be in a new place, a place of, well... yes... anticipation. I am allowing my mind to ponder on what might be coming.
Anticipation is not always fun. Most recently I have been trying to anticipate when this heavy grief cloud will lift. Many people have been telling me "you sound so much better!" and I wonder what that really means. I actually asked my counselor that question yesterday. Her response surprised me. She told me I now began conversations with hope or a story about something I had been doing rather than the grim reality of grief.
Perhaps people are right... I sound better. It's a start!
anticipation of the morning soul -
wake to a new day
head hanging
in a bold stance of grief
a spinning
gaping hole
in need of filling
but how
how to move the curve of sadness and loss
to replace it with anticipation
anticipation of what
how do we slip in and out of hope
first of all we try
we admit it’s hard
but we try
fill the gaping hole
with anticipation
hope
with a tinge of nervousness
feed the hearts of others
offer love
care
hope
forgetting for a moment
our own sadness
sit up
lift your head
be proud
remember the wonder
it’s there if you’d only look