There was definitely pain and tears, but it was all laced with love and knowing I was doing just what Russ had wanted. The ritual found me almost 7 months after Russ had died, pondering the exact locations he would want and I could visit. Only the spot in Maine will be out of reach on a daily basis. All 5 places were 'happy places' to Russ. His one wish had been to rest in places he loved and that made me happy too. He wanted me to pick the spots based on our history, our love and our adventures.
After writing a list of the places I had chosen, I visited each to be sure they were 'right'. The Maine location is the only one I could not scout out ahead of time. I was confident it was perfect though, as Russ and I had watched the HGTV episode of Maine Cabin Masters cabin rebuild multiple times...The Honeymoon Cabin on Drury Pond in Temple, Maine.
I was as ready as I could be.
Russ loved everything about the train and during his last year we often went to Shalona Lake to watch it pass by. It was a happy moment that could carry him through the day. This day I spread some ashes in a line down the middle of the rails, which allowed the train to whisk him towards his beloved Silverton. Makes me smile to have helped him have one last ride!
I scattered him in a feeder stream which washed into the lake. I did have to wait for the skinny dippers to get out of the water and get dressed, but I thought perhaps Russ would have gotten a laugh. I waited patiently to have my solemn moment.
My view from the cabin here is an amazing reflection of the trees on the far side of the pond reflecting on the water surface. It is Russ' mountains and my water meeting as we say good-bye.
I canoed to the middle of the pond knowing water was a part of several of my location choices; water has a spiritual connotation and I think is regarded as a symbol of infinity. By spreading his ashes by the side of the canoe I could follow the path of ashes as they floated away.
He always did know how to bless me with hope and love! I pray I did the same for him.