I repeatedly read that one of the first rules of being a caregiver is to be sure to include self-care in your world. I often wonder who thought that one up! And when do I find the time for that? 'They' say only when you help yourself can you effectively help others.
There are millions of couples doing caregiving all on their own. There are folks who have no expendable income. There are folks with little medical insurance, no life insurance, no retirement funds, a mortgage, car payments... not to speak of all the monthly bills. Some have no family and few friends. Once a diagnosis of a degenerative disease is given, people begin to slip out of your life, afraid of the unknown. Since it is not 'their' problem, they find comfort in less and less connection.
Research suggests: "The combination of anticipatory grief, prolonged stress, the physical demands of caregiving, and the biological vulnerabilities that come with age place you at risk for significant health problems as well as an earlier death."
What does one do when they feel so lost and vulnerable? The caregiver plods along and hopes not to succumb to illness.
Through life's circumstances, some careful planning and some good decisions we are in another camp. Not much expendable income, especially since I quit work, but we at least do have some savings, family and friends who care and the most extraordinary community care and VA help imaginable. And most important to me at this point in time is that I am not afraid to research, to ask questions and reach out for help.
We had a blip in home care through the VA, but through investigation and not getting discouraged, the VA came through. We now have Visiting Angels 4 days a week (14 hours) and some Saturday respite care. For my first respite care Saturday I went to brunch with 'the girls' and yesterday I went hiking!
Russ is a dream, filled with concern about me. He wants me to do things for myself. He says as I walk out the door "Have a good swim." "Enjoy the girls." It's beautiful out... have fun." And he sits home with Chance (wonderful care person). Wouldn't you feel guilty?
I will need to remind myself that part of my important job is self-care. I need to:
- practice stress reduction
- attend to my own health
- exericse
- take time off and NOT feel guilty
- seek and accept support from others
- talk to my counselor, my friends, my neighbors
- and if I am feeling a negative reaction to a situation, try to rethink it in a new and positive light (works every time!)
I will work towards more walks on the wild side!