With each first, there is a slight (or not so slight) shift in the path. With each, my eyes have been opened to a new part of the world, or better yet, a new part of me. Before each first I have had no clue how it might change or support me. Life and death are just UNpredictable. It all seemed so much easier when Russ was alive, but now I must push myself, to fill my world with as much love, voracity and passion as I can. Now I must embrace the UNknown and UNpredictable.
In that light, I signed up for my first ever tour. I wanted the safety of connection. I wanted a bit of pamper. I wanted someone else to plan. I wanted adventure. And... I wanted to do something Russ and I had dreamed of doing together. In May I will explore Cinque Terre and a bit of Tuscany. I will be with other people (8 others at the moment) and as alone or connected as I choose. It is a bit UNcomfortable, a definite first with the hardest part making a definitive decision to say yes to travel alone.
Russ and I had travel traditions. I will try to honor those along the way, allowing me an opportunity to 'remember'. We were the best travel buddies!
life is full -
‘they say’ firsts after a death will be hard
but really
life is full of firsts
we’re human
we’re curious
and unless we sit in one place
isolated
avoiding firsts is impossible
we are meant to
explore,
discover
learn
grow
and evolve
life is full of firsts
as a widow
firsts can be daunting
unless you embrace them
find joy in the experience
whether it is
eating alone in a restaurant
making a big life decision
expressing your heartfelt sadness
or signing on to an overseas hiking tour
yes
i did that
yet another first
traveling solo
making all the decisions
of where
when
how
cinque terre
in may
i head to
a place russ and i had dreamed of together
and now
another first
alone
i go with russ as my heartfelt guide
to explore
discover
learn
grow
and hopefully
continue to find
the ME in the WE
“He whom we love and lose is no longer where he was but in our hearts and minds forever.”
-St. John Chrysostom