I live alone for the first time in my life and as hard as it is... to live out my life here alone, who could I ask to share my home with me rather than move to a care facility? I think about that periodically... a sibling, a friend, a hired person? Could I give up my independence?
Three amazing kids who care for their dad's safety and well being, hire me to check in with him weekly as well as a once a month 'adventure day'. Today was 'adventure day' and it was a blast. I told Hugh before we left that I planned to write a blog post about what it is like for him to transition to assisted living. I am happy to say, up front, that he was so very positive. Yes, he has some disappointments, but life isn't perfect, right? So we can't expect him to blend seamlessly into a new world dotted with new, different and uncomfortable.
I have been hanging out with Hugh for about a year and in that time we have worked through the challenges of his feeling gently misplaced. His kids work hard, he works hard, I work hard. We try to be positive. We talk about challenges, we talk about "I wish..." and we talk about his options.
In downtown Silverton (an old mining town built in a caldera) we parked and walked up one side of the street and down the other. His focus was on architecture, reading plaques and dates, commenting on detail work, iron work and the passage of time.
On to adventure.
Russ and I loved camping, hiking and picnicking at Arrastra Gulch, a couple of miles north of Silverton. Hugh and I headed there for our picnic. Again the oooohs and ahhhhhs, as we settled by the water.
I had told him I was going to write a blog post so we talked about what that is and he was willing to join in. His responses where honest, real and thoughtful. I have to say that each of his negatives (depressions) would be mind too. That said, we do talk about aging, adjustments, and the gift of comfort and care. And he knows he is loved, that his kids do have his best interests at heart. We talk about life's changes and sometimes those changes mean we have to compromise. I asked a few questions.
ME: What is it like living at Sunshine Gardens? Tell me all the good stuff. If you have some difficulties, you can share those too.
HUGH:
- I like living in a comfortable room, that’s mine and has my things (furniture) in it.
- I wish it were a quieter room, but the air conditioner Ryan put in helps and at night it’s not so bad.
- I like that they make alternative meals for me because I don’t eat beef or pork.
- I wish my budget was higher for food. I would like to get green olives, but they are always over my budget and I had to change the kind of coffee I liked. That's OK because I like Starbucks too.
- For so many years I made my own meals. I am getting used to someone else doing that.
- They had a roll lately and I asked for toast. It was really good.
- I have butter and organic Crofters Apricot jam in my room…really good.
- I have to be flexible with my groceries. I can’t get everything I want.
- Now I put little ?? by the things that I can leave behind if everything doesn't fit in my budget.
- I miss the old days before the kids decided I shouldn’t be driving.
- Sometimes it is kind of depressing being around people with mental and physical disabilities.
- I have enjoyed getting to know the lady across the hall, Mary. Her son lives here, he’s blind.
ME: What are some activities you enjoy?
HUGH:
- Morning walk when my knee isn’t hurting. I don’t do them all the time anymore and I go slowly and I’m careful.
- Coffee Chat. And in the summer it’s in the garden.
- Crossword puzzles
- Bingo
- An occasional movie
- Corn Hole
- Duane’s sing along. It’s fun.
- Happy Hour. It is a chance to socialize with my choice of beverage.
- Kristi organizes lots of fun things...
ME: Anything else?
HUGH:
- Sometimes I am depressed because of other people’s issues. I don’t think I need that kind of care.
- I love living in this part of the country, but I am thinking more and more about moving to CA.
- I am so glad to go to the Meeting House again. (Quaker Meeting)
- The best thing is how comfortable my room is – my own things, my own space.
- The hardest thing is not being able to go downtown when I want to play music and jam.
- It is a matter of finding transportation.
- I love having you and other people come by. I love having Ryan and Jen close by.
Hugh could have gone on and on, but sometimes I would ask another question so we don't get mired in repetitive thought. We ended when I distracted him with “do you want a cookie”?
I completely understand that when one lives alone, you become more and more your own best friend and want to please your best friend...i.e., Hugh wants to please himself. I think I would be the same way. You?