We will revisit our Myers-Briggs type and how we deal with stress at our upcoming staff retreat. I have had a couple of rough patches lately and when I saw the connection of my ESFJ type and how that personality reacts to stress I just burst out laughing. Russ and I couldn't believe how spot on it was. I rarely get angry, but watch out when I do. As work and Parkinson's have challenged me lately I was actually grateful that Jeff passed along the stress article. It didn't make situations any less disappointing, but it did chip away at my frustration, helping me see that not only do I want to help others with gusto, but I can stress out with gusto too! Alas, no one ever said I was quiet and demur.
Here is my type in a nutshell:
ESFJ - The Provider / Caregiver
ESFJs are conscientious helpers, sensitive to the needs of others and energetically dedicated to their responsibilities. They are highly attuned to their emotional environment and attentive to both the feelings of others and the perception others have of them. ESFJs like a sense of harmony and cooperation around them, and are eager to please and provide.
ESFJs value loyalty and tradition, and usually make their family and friends their top priority. They are generous with their time, effort, and emotions. They often take on the concerns of others as if they were their own, and will attempt to put their significant organizational talents to use to bring order to other people's lives.
How do ESFJs react to stress?
What stresses out an ESFJ:
– Unstructured environments
– Having to do things that involve abstract, theoretical concepts
– Environments that have tension or conflict
– Unexpected change
– Inadequate time to complete work to their standards
– Tense, or confrontational relationships or situations
– Situations that don’t meld with their values
– Lack of trust in someone or something they’re involved with
– Criticism
– Feeling unappreciated
When faced with stress, ESFJ’s can become very critical and overly sensitive, often imagining bad intentions where there weren’t any. Being prone to insecurity, they can focus all their attention on pleasing those who give them security. This may lead them to become staunchly attached to a toxic relationship, structure, or belief system that provides them some sort of affirmation or security. They can become quite dramatic when under stress, finding fault with almost everyone and everything. They can experience low energy, a feeling of depression and pessimism. They become uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn. If they are under chronic stress, they may fall into the grip of their inferior function; introverted thinking. This can cause them to take on the form of “the condemner”, focusing on everyone’s flaws and all the ways they have been hurt by them and how those flaws go against their belief system and how things “should be”.
How to help an ESFJ experiencing stress:
– Give them a change of scenery. Let them spend some time outdoors.
– Encourage them to exercise (without making it a dig at their weight or health).
– Watch a comedy with them, or engage them with some humor or lighthearted entertainment.
– Acknowledge how they feel.
– Let them talk it out.
– Remind them of their strengths and contributions.
– Don’t use logic to talk them out of stress.
– Don’t ignore them.
– Give them feedback. Talk about a similar situation you went through.
– Get them away from the environment or situation that is stressing them out.
– Give them an enjoyable book to read, or a lighthearted movie to watch.
As I said, I have done many personality tests through the years. For me, the most important part is not learning my type, but the reminder that we all do life differently. As life has been a tad challenging lately, the stress article was timely. Emotions, stress, disappointment, and anger can close in on me and it takes the will of God (and my counselor Molly!) to help me take off the blinders and connect with the world of personalities.